Monday, December 6, 2010


Do you think deaf people slur their words when they’re drunk and sign? I feel like that here in the Ukraine when I’m in a bar filled with beautiful women and one in ten speaks English.
Since man first began to walk erect (I walk erected everyday here) and his primitive communicative system began to develop, I’m sure that’s one of the first things they organized.
Why in the South of France, some of those famous cave paintings actually show what looks like a caveman and woman, lying on a Sabre-toothed tiger skin in front of a fire, exhausted, spent, trying to smoke a stone after sex.
During the course of an evening, surrounded by a sea of women, I feel like the Ancient Mariner: “Women, women, everywhere and not a one speaks English…
I the Cro-Magnon man learn quickly. My new haunts have replaced bars. One, which has reaped (I didn’t say raped) a Cornucopia has been going to bookstores and perusing the English book section of the store. Not only do they speak English, but also they are also well read (at least they’re red after I talk to them)
The other is the University student center and cafeteria. Have a coffee and read Newsweek or a book. Works very well…
The third and final trick is old. This is always keeping a map of the city you are in, quickly available. When you see your target, pull it out (the map you ninny!!) and ask where you are. You can also try a twist on this trick, and that is to have a map of another city, they get really confused, I do this often….Gives you more time with them before they get their bearings…
Well as I said Stranger than Truth…..

“People are strange, when you’re a stranger…..
Faces look ugly when you’re alone”
The Doors

Ranger Bob signing off,

Kiev, Ukrainia

1 comment:

  1. Didn't you use to also bar-hop with a bottle of chloroform in your pocket?

    We're enjoying these. Keep it up, said the barmaid to the bishop..